As soon as you are acting from ego (‘belief’ in separation) and not love, Wholeness, God or authenticity, you experience it as sin or karma. It is experienced as a fundamental discomfort, like something is missing, an ill at ease feeling that seeks balance, you know immediately when you are not being true to you or God. Karma is synonymous with ‘time, space’ and my ‘individual’ autonomy. When you ‘believe’ you are acting from egoic, individual belief there will be an experience of karma. Karma is the awareness, the kick up the bum for straying from WHOLE being, God or interconnectedness. The deeper ‘you’ go in to or surrender to unity or God the more immediate your karmic backlash is felt. This is not punishment, it is cause and effect. It is like a puppy being smacked by its mother back in to line, “alignment’. It is God/ life slapping YOU (ego/ self righteousness) back in to spontaneous flow or alignment....hereness... If your consciousness buys in to individuality and autonomy you’ll pay the price :). God/ life has no distinctions or discernible boundary lines. God flows as it flows. When ego is dissolved in to flow…it no longer exists…it never really existed anyway :). Alignment (God/ wholeness) isn't living contingent on beliefs. Life isn't a slave to belief.
Love doesn't look like anything in particular. It may express as overt kindness and gentleness. It may express as forceful or harsh 'No!" if someone persistently violates your boundary. Love is authentic expression. It has no bounds. Love/God is Truth.
Acting from love or God in EVERY moment, which is always and only here and now takes immense trust initially in the ‘unknown’. It feels like walking through life blindly, void of any belief or concept to trust or rely on. It is handing the body and the life experience back to God (the rightful owner :)). It initially takes immense courage to surrender ego back to God I.e All of ‘my’ individual ideas, concepts and perspectives about reality, all 'my' fears, all of my resistance or avoidance of being authentically my self, who I think I am, what life ‘means’ to 'me'…what is right or wrong...or who I ‘should’ be or want to be or appear to others as in order to maintain the illusionary status quo!. How I should ‘present’ myself in order to be loved or validated...in order to be accepted. Even the spiritual beliefs and identity must be handed back to God.
In the story of ‘my life’ the individual REALLY feels like it has autonomy and control. This is the illusion and is the cause of all 'your' suffering. You were NEVER acting from autonomy, like a child with a pretend steering wheel in the car, while dad is driving. The belief in separation and individual autonomy is what perpetuates the ‘seeking to escape from the illusion of individual responsibility’ story. We love it AND we hate it. We love when its going well...we hate when its going not so well.
WE NEVER HAD ANY AUTONOMY AND CONTROL…WE NEVER EXISTED SEPARATELY!!! NOTHING HAS EVER EXISTED SEPARATELY.
Continuously discern - “Where are these thoughts, words and actions actually coming from?” You’ll feel loss of everything ‘known’ but you are simultaneously gaining everything.
Sensations and feelings arise in the body naturally and inexplicably - they are abstracted and labelled by mind as anxiety - as wrong - then it is claimed ‘I AM ANXIOUS’ - once it is claimed it is a BELIEF in the system - it takes up residence - then the belief “I have anxiety” grows legs and perspectives and becomes a 'thing'...it then seeks desperately to be free of itself - it seeks in the NEXT moment to be free of itself…There is no actual 'I' or actual reality or actual time and space in any of this!! No appearance…no feeling or sensation ever defined you. Just Beliefs seeking better beliefs or understanding of themselves to be free of themselves!…to dismantle themselves and return to clarity or balance or pristine neutrality!
I remember as a little girl (in my unfolding story), maybe 4 years old. My mum looked at me as she was getting me dressed and said "Oh my poor little darling, your throat and cheeks are swollen like a little hamster, you must feel so uncomfortable, no play school for you today!". I remember having no awareness of any feelings of discomfort whatsoever until my attention became focussed upon my cheeks and throat! :). I was just disappointed that I wasn't going to play school.
You were ALWAYS the empty observer…the pristine clarity of ALL arising phenomena....but not as a belief or mental, egoic construct (which is what awareness teachings inadvertently perpetuate!) Awareness teachings are invariably absorbed by a mind and the individual 'believes' itself in to a clear 'mental' space. This is actually just another means by which ego 'avoids' the natural, authentic chaos of the unfolding of life.
Belief or identity (which is just a series of beliefs) ‘believes’ things should/ could have unfolded or could unfold differently. It must be said that this sharing is not to encourage passivity, that would just be ego still trying to control, which paradoxically would also be the natural unfolding :).
Belief (ego) believes it is ‘real’ and has autonomy to do life differently.
Stories…within stories…creating more stories…..
Always ask what is the underlying feeling/ belief that the belief is trying to escape. Any disharmony is always belief trying to dissolve or reconcile itself. This is ‘seeking’. Eg If I am desperately trying to be the perfect mother, what belief am I desperate to avoid or resolve…obviously the belief that “I am a bad mother.” If impulse arises to smoke 60 cigarettes a day and I know it’s killing me what lack belief is the impulse to smoke obeying. Maybe “life is dull or boring without smoking”…maybe “smoking relieves tension”....if the latter is the case what is the fear of simply being with the tension?... By being still and consciously aware we can begin to reveal and dissolve the lack beliefs that are running the show. Then what remains are deeper and deeper levels of peace, clarity, freedom and authenticity.
The human organism is always seeking to neutralise lack beliefs so that it can return to clarity. It's natural state is homeostasis. It just does its best in unconscious ways until we are consciously aware.
The illusionary individual identity is constructed out of belief…in actuality there’s only infinite aliveness. It has NO individual identity per se..no conceptual beliefs…it has no past…it has no future…it has no time.
It’s a story unfolding by itself…the characters appear as real. …like a movie playing. They are all God/ boundless love playing as ALL form, replete with gangsters, villains and heroes! If ‘you’ (wholeness) identify as your character only, suffering is obviously inevitable as it is realised that it has no substantiality…seeking or ‘ego’ desperately yearns substantiality! Seeking desperately yearns to reconfigure itself moment to moment as a ‘real’, ‘valid’, ‘solid’, consistent THING…Good luck!!. But...it also wants to be rid of itself. Wants the 'good' or preferred to be real and the bad or unwanted to be dissolved :).
The human will never arrive at ‘perfectly and permanently cleared out of karma’. There's only always NOW..and the question is are you perceiving reality through a belief structure or from clarity?. If perception is through the lens of 'belief', karma will be experienced :). There’s only a natural moment to moment unfolding story....always and only ever appearing NOW. The clarity already eternally IS. It can appear that the human character becomes ‘lighter’ and ‘freer’ or maybe it doesn’t appear like that. Whatever appears is Gods/ lifes perfectly unfolding drama. It is perfect already. Everything in its perfect place…already. There was never separation. There was never ‘a moving towards’ for anyone, although it feels like that for ego.
"You' were never just the character.
THIS unfolding story is already started and ended….like a movie or book on the shelf…it just appears to be playing on the movie screen of consciousness in a consecutive, linear sequence.
The amazing human brain has this incredible functioning to create the illusion of time lapsing; past, present and future. It appears only ‘real and solid’…but it is simultaneously real AND unreal! Our limited mind will never fathom this :)….but something deeper knows it.
Enjoy your play! I know it’s easier said than done when experiencing trauma, depression, grief etc…but nothing lasts forever…and we get what we get!. My character fought tooth and nail to cure itself of trauma, inertia, depression, anxiety, ocd, body dysmorphia, unworthiness, existential fear….etc...it tried ‘manifesting’ like a mother fu**** :)…it tried to understand everything about reality at a psychological, physiological and philosophical level…it tried spiritualising pain away…it tried EVERYTHING to avoid simply being here :).
….then something died....
The striving, fighting and resistance died....
Then there was/ is simply what is…
….and believe it or not…it’s all we’ve ever wanted :)…..the ego does NOT want to hear that. The ego wants a ‘good’ life for ‘itself’. But trust me when the fight is surrendered all that remains is unwavering peace…not continuous bliss or joy (they come and go)…just natural ease, contentment and okness with whatever arises.
The peace that passes all understanding.
Don’t buy in to spiritual BELIEFSor concepts or material BELIEFS. Don’t buy in to ideas that any human is ‘free’ or in a ‘better’ position than ‘you’. Every character is played by God. No character is actually separate and real even though in the dream it really looks and feels that way. So many people want to sell you a ‘better’ existence. It is bullshit!.
There’s only GOD…..and only ego (beliefs, identity) or that which is not real asks “How can I BE more God, or more happy, or more free?” Only ego ‘believes’ that another individual has life ‘better’ than “I”. Only ego compares your life experience to another. The character will NEVER be more God…it is a fabrication. It is already a perfect rendition of God. How can God have separate ‘aspects’ if it is WHOLENESS. IT IS EVERY APPEARANCE. It has never been divided….EVER….as God as ‘you’ realise this …the story ‘as only solid and real’…the story as a separate ‘ego’ in time and space begins to dissolve. As Eckhart Tolls says “Die before you die”. The images, dialogue and sensations of memory fade…becoming lighter and lighter…The 'realness', the harshness, fades. It becomes more dreamlike...naturally...not so serious. Not so life and death.
All colours of belief fading back in to the white light of Infinity. But it can’t be willed by the character. The character is Gods character…in Gods play.
There’s no freedom in ANY conceptual belief system - there has to be ego to maintain a belief or concept or position.
Authentic expression is free of conceptual position or belief....AND the character can have wonderful...strong opinions!
Only open…infinite clarity…wholeness…God… IS….all ‘other’ is illusion. An amazing…sometimes excruciating…illusion.
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Any ‘teachers’ or ‘gurus’ or ‘leaders’ or ‘influencers’ that claim that they have ‘arrived’ & abide ‘permanently’ as God or completion or at least in ‘a better reality than you’ , by their very claims (belief) they perpetuate the seeking for 'more' in 'you'. The imaginary hierarchy in the mind of the seeking ego (you have something I want) is perpetuated and therefore serves only to maintain the egoic search for ‘more’ - it’s just an ‘ego’ that believes it has ‘arrived’ in God arms explaining to an ‘ego’ that believes it hasn’t ….this just sets up a codependency…and no doubt making a good living out of it :).
ANY words attempting to describe that which is indescribable because it is before the psychological world of thoughts, words, concepts and beliefs OBVIOUSLY become more concepts and belief systems for an ‘ego’ seeking relief. i.e ‘more’ tools, ways and means to become ‘more’ free. Only an illusionary identity (a set of beliefs) ‘needs’ to become ‘more’ or ‘less’ anything. Ego just wants to realise that it isn’t actually real. It wants its own end or death. How can a fabrication…an illusion end itself?? Does it need to if it isn’t real? :)….
EGO DOES NOT ACTUALLY EXIST SO HOW CAN IT BECOME FREE??!! It will just run around absorbing more beliefs and concepts…or swapping beliefs and concepts…or trying to convince others of what it has found…this actually sustains its ‘apparent’ existence!
What is ALWAYS here without ‘you’ (ego) and ALL its beliefs?
What is here ALWAYS without thoughts and beliefs ‘about’ or words defining what is here?
What is here that has NEVER moved or been affected by anything that seemingly arises and dissolves within it?
The human brain is continuously, automatically assigning meaning to environmental stimuli. There was never a separate “I” in there. The separate ‘I’ sense is a brilliant trick of the brain. It wasn’t here as a baby.
Pristine clarity, enlightenment or innocence appearing as the spoken or written word of course is tainted or flavoured as soon as it reaches an ‘individuals’ ears or eyes…from the ears the vibration of the words flows to the mechanism of mind (the AI translator) and constructs an individual understanding…a conceptual ‘belief ‘ or abstraction, a unique point of reference, ‘about’ what is being heard. According to the genetics and conditioning of the brain. Same applies as to how the written word is interpreted according to the level of consciousness of the brain of the reader.
Every appearance, all environmental stimuli, is abstracted by the mechanism of perception and coloured with individual ‘meaning’. Then the absorbed concepts and beliefs further solidify belief in to a seemingly separate individual. When ‘belief’ in individuality and separation IS the framework through which stimuli is then interpreted by its very illusionary nature it necessitates ‘something more’, (more concepts and beliefs) ‘in time’ to deconstruct, dissolve or nullify it. It is thirsty for more knowledge and understanding, believing that will ‘end’ its disharmony or disequilibrium. So you see disequilibrium is caused by erroneous beliefs being believed to be REAL. Belief in belief is the cause of ALL human suffering.
Belief is always seeking equilibrium or a return to neutrality because its position as ‘real’ obviously isn’t true. Life continuously seeks balance, naturally. Words from ‘guides’ of so called ‘knowing the way’ or guidance from another individual in any form can’t help but to become a road map for the illusionary separate one (a series of erroneous beliefs) to use to try to GET to or reach or become ‘more’ clarity….or to try to dissolve itself I.e a belief trying to dissolve itself with more beliefs….a never ending cycle….the wheel of samsara; an illusionary construct trying to dissolve itself continuously! This is what identity is. Identity is simply a set of beliefs that seem to be solid and real. The ‘you’ that ‘you’ believe yourself to be is again just a series of acquired beliefs, believing themselves to be ‘real.’
You never existed separately from the Whole.
Nothing has ever been separate from Wholeness.
For now…
Just for a moment…
Be here with ALL language…concepts and beliefs of past or future removed…
If these words were mandarin…could you interpret them?
Could you then be hurt or offended or suffer because of these words?
Only if you comprehended Mandarin..
But do you ever REALLY comprehend Mandarin even if you believe you can?
I suppose only the one who created the letters symbols and words we call Mandarin could really comprehend their actual ‘intended’ meaning…
…And is language and dialect created by just one person?
Or is language a dynamic and ever evolving system of symbols…
Could you feel unloved….could you suffer the words if ‘you’ didn’t comprehend them at all?
Is the baby offended by your words before it has learned your language?
Or is it all BLA…BLA…BLA…
Maybe language is infinitely blah…blah…blah…
“But who/ what is ACTUALLY comprehending what?”
Interesting …in latin ‘comprehend’ is to grasp or seize…
What if ‘whatever’ tries to grasp and understand these words…didn’t…just for a moment……
Or anybodys’ words…
..or interpretations…
….or thoughts…
…or images in the head…
Just for now…
Then what remains here?…..
When EVERY belief is let go of….
Stay here…
Nothing in this world will EVER taste sweeter than the innocence and purity of pristine clarity…
AND nobody can claim or own this…no matter what they tell you…
Because it’s free and unattainable..and it’s ALWAYS here…
Words…thoughts…actions…THE PLAY OF LIFE…
…continues on….
For eternity….
Stay here….
A sigh of relief as ego or grasping… is exhaled…
EVERY exhalation is a complete dismantling and dissolution of belief…
The last breath of the individual life…of belief…of conceptual adhesion…repeatedly dissolving in to the void…the unknowable abyss out of which it seemingly emerges…
Love continuously recycled..
Form…emptiness…
Emptiness…form…
As though time or space ‘between’ appearances actually lapses…
Or Collapses….
Where is time if there is no ‘in between’?…
What is end if there is no beginning?…
If there really are not 2?…
Where’s me AND you?…
If there really in actuality are no dividing boundaries…
One…infinite flowing ocean of appearance….
Goals, wants, desires…persona….
…and anima fully merged…
Dying in to each one another…
To dissolve…
Again…
…and again….
Contraction…
Expansion…
Eternally Free…..
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