The body/ mind cannot not feel or experience any other way than it is in every moment, because ‘it is’. The striving to have a different (preferred) feeling, mood, reaction, experience or self image stfles and twists it up like a pretzel, this is self harm.
Your body/ mind has been programmed and conditioned by life and genetics to react/ respond/ feel exactly as it does. It is happening by itself. Hatred, frustration, self loathing, jealousy, repulsion, wanting to run away, wanting to be ‘better’, whatever arises, is ALL happening by itself. YOU DIDN’T WRITE THE PROGRAM.
TRUE self compassion is DEEPLY acknowledging and accepting EVERY arising; the hatred, the loathing, frustration, stuckness, the resistance, the fight, the struggle, the striving to get away from ‘what is’ so as to be ‘more’ eg spiritual, loving , stronger, beautiful, more organised, more happy, more healthy, wealthy and successful, more palatable to others etc…
The wanting to experience ‘more’ or ‘different’ from whatever is arising (feelings, sensations, experience), is self harm. It contorts the body. It is saying to your body/ mind/ life that ‘it’ exactly as ‘it is’, moment to moment, is not enough, not complete, not whole, somehow wrong for being exactly as ‘it is’.
It must be said it is also beautiful and perfect to want to grow and develop as a human. To want an evolution of the body mind is natural, but it is always evolving anyway, just by being alive :). But if ‘What is’ here already as your natural experience (EVERY aspect - mood, thoughts, emotions, frustrations, actions) is not unconditionally allowed simultaneously, you are harming yourself.
Most humans are sitting on a subconscious storehouse of what has been deemed ‘unacceptable about myself’, and our identity and lives become merely a construct designed to avoid at all costs what we are afraid lurks inside ourselves. We avoid by trying to cultivate ‘more’ of what we think we as a human lack. We project outwards on to the play a meaning that isn’t even there. We try to save the world in a desperate attempt to save ourselves! We desperately try to be more ‘Godlike’ so that we don’t have to feel the ‘devil’ buried in our darkest shadows. “If I can just ‘do’ life more perfectly I won’t have to feel the self loathing.
The funny thing is when light (conscious awareness) is allowed in to those subconscious, dark corridors of the psyche, the invisible boogey man; the devil within. It is DEEPLY realised that all of that apparent darkness was just condensed light :). Another way of saying that is that darkness or the devil does not actually exist as an independent force or entity but rather it is just the absence or opposite of light.
From unconditional acceptance, a willingness to shine conscious light on to every thought, emotion and sensation that is arising to be acknowledged, a natural maturity and evolution occurs within the body/ mind. An integration of all that has been subconsciously rejected. This is how the individual becomes whole, which is what it is ALWAYS seeking through spirituality, materialism, understanding, achievements, validation etc….those rejected parts just crave to be seen.
Deep realisation that “I cannot ‘be’ anything other than what is arising” is the DEEPEST compassion and unconditional love.
Then it just becomes SO obvious. Of course I can never be any different than whatever is arising naturally.
From ‘here’ begins the path of Truth and authenticity. It’s messy as you begin to say what the body actually wants to say. Doesn’t mean you’re right but you are FINALLY being true to you :).You do what the body actually wants to do. Doesn’t mean it’s right, but it’s true to you. Life/ God will correct your trajectory if it needs correcting “).
The ego is no longer running the show with its spiritual ‘righteousness’ or ideals of ‘perfect’ being or behaviour or ‘knowing’ that the body/ mind ‘should’ be endeavouring to uphold eg playing a perfect mother or father role or playing an intellectually superior role or the one who has all its ducks in a row etc…
This body/ mind called Melanie has such sensitivity and experiences fluctuations of EVERY conceivable emotion throughout a day. There’s no longer deeming any arising emotion to be bad or wrong or in need of fixing. Here joy and laughter is preferred over deep grief, restlessness, fear and nervousness and a feeling of wellness in the body is preferred over illness but nothing that arises is considered ‘wrong’ or bad or rejected….even resistance or rejection :).
ALL is allowed.
In this allowing deep peace and contentment is always simultaneously experienced as the unwavering container that is open to every arising.
Every bit of truth; every pain..every hurt…every bit of hatred…every fear…every doubt…every frustration…every ounce of turmoil and confusion is held in Gods heart.
Gods/ Lifes’ heart IS the unwavering container of every arising….
In this….individuality dissolves….
So however you want to be seen - be it successful, beautiful, caring, the one who has all the solutions, a suffering victim, powerful, capable, independent, spiritual, loving, goodness, benevolent, understanding, bad (some do), intellectually superior. Just ask yourself why it is important to be perceived in this light? - ask yourself why am I afraid to be seen as the opposite? Eg if you strive to be seen by others as a kind or benevolent, successful or beautiful person, or that your life is AMAZING, if this is the goal of your instagram or Facebook page or website, to present a specific and fixed image of yourself, why is that? Who am i trying to convince & why?...Maybe I'm afraid to be seen as the opposite traits eg unkind, selfish or ugly?
Or if there’s a drive to be seen as capable or to be seen as a high achiever or I'll work 3 jobs to the extent that I’ll let my body burn out, why is that? Why am I so afraid to be seen as lazy or a loser? What am I afraid will happen?
These deeper questions are wonderful and reveal deep insight as they reveal our shadow, that which controls our every move and agenda unconsciously, until we are consciously aware of it. These questions show us the aspects of ourselves that we have subconsciously suppressed and rejected to feel loved, safe and accepted in the tribe as children.
Our identities are just coping mechanisms. They were created by our intelligence in order to protect us.
Your character, the imperfect and fallible beautiful human that you have come here to be, naturally, is beautiful and perfect with all of its weirdness and idiosyncrasies. The identity is the ‘protector’ aspect that stands at the cusp of your conscious and subconscious mind, arbitrating your natural flow like a gate keeper. Telling you what is acceptable about your natural expression and what isn’t. Your natural expression or 'flow' does not exist in the world of duality or opposites…IT JUST IS....like a child... until that child is taught that natural aspects of itself are 'wrong'.
The interesting thing is that there is only so much conceivable darkness in this world because of the striving for ONLY what is ‘regarded’ as goodness and light or preferable... and rejection of what is ‘regarded' as bad. The biased/ tainted and skewed perspectives handed down generation after generation.
It is only the repression and suppression of naturalness (truth, authenticity, flow) moment to moment that causes the human to act out in stifled, selfish & fucked up ways!
You see energy never dies, it just goes underground eg maybe a little boy is told HE is bad because he is 'experiencing' anger or frustration and is having a screaming fit (although you do want to punch them when they do that in the shop ha ha!!). Maybe he then deems anger as ‘bad’, that he is bad if he feels it, so each time he feels anger he suppresses it because he feels like he’s bad. Eventually so that he is still loved and accepted by the parents his subconscious gets so good at suppressing it before he can even feel it (but it’s still there). It wants to be integrated so it’s going to keep trying to surface…someone cuts him up on the road...BANG!! there's a little crack it can escape from. It's like a water pipe under pressure from too high a force of water. Out of control explosions are inevitable.
There are so many ways that we learn to suppress our natural flow to stay loved and safe, but again the energy that has been suppressed just wants to be acknowledged and allowed. The natural intelligence of the body then brings these aspects in to harmony, balance and equilibrium.
This is the wholeness that all humans seek :). Consciously or subconsciously, the humans agenda is always for wholeness, integration and relief. Some do it via projection and manipulation - if I can cause a fight with you tension will be relieved through my body/mind. As you become more consciously aware of your shadow you'll cause yourself and others less harm.
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